Getting What It Takes

^{Body Pleasures...
Gay and Bisexual Men...
The Various Types of Couples...}

Body Pleasures

Sexuality is an essential human need. It is an integral part of each individual and includes many dimensions: physiological, psychological, social, emotional, cultural, and ethical. For healthy sexuality, it is not enough to be well endowed. You must be able to integrate these various dimensions. You also have to find the information and support you need to make informed choices.

 “Yes. Yes. OK, OK”

Everyone has a sexual repertoire of preferred seduction methods and sexual practices. We tend to repeat what is familiar. And for men, all sexual orientations combined, the primary objective of sexual relations is often ejaculation.

Yet, the variety of pleasures the body and senses can experience is unlimited. Sight is the sense most solicited by a man in the process of sexual arousal. There is also the pleasure of stretching, tasting, smelling the scent of the skin and feeling its touch. There is nothing more eroticizing than a man who knows how to take his partner on an adventure of the pleasure of the senses ... And it is contagious!

As a Gay and Bisexual Man

As a gay or bisexual man, you may be experiencing some special realities. For example: Your friends and family may have shut you out you since you disclosed your sexual orientation, or you may be expecting to be rejected by the people who are close to you. You may not feel totally comfortable with your sexual orientation. You may have just found out that you are living with HIV, or you may be having difficulty coping with this reality. You may be under the impression that you don’t meet some of the aesthetic criteria of the gay community: penis size, weight, etc.

Today, bars are still an important meeting place for gay men. Add to this the afterhours, raves, saunas, parks, and other public places. In these various contexts, drugs and alcohol can be taken to make it easier to meet people, as well as for a number of other reasons…

For some people, having sex in public places is exciting. For others, sexuality is something very intimate that you share only with one or a few partners. Using the Internet for sexual purposes is a well-known reality. The Internet provides the possibility of increasing the number of anonymous sexual encounters, if that is what is wanted. This aspect of “going incognito” may lead to sexual practices that would not otherwise have been explored. The unknown, the forbidden, and risk taking may represent exciting contexts.

Information and resources that take our realities into consideration are available. Good sexual health—not without pleasure—is within the reach of all gay and bisexual men whether HIV-negative, HIV-positive, young or older, living in rural or urban settings. Giving some thought to certain matters could also help you to maintain or develop personal strategies to experience a developing, enriching, passionate sexuality.

The Various Types of Couples

One of the main questions that gay and bisexual men must consider is the HIV status of their partners. Some of you may wonder if it is really necessary to know the other person’s HIV status. It is difficult to definitively answer this question in the affirmative. It is nevertheless obvious that knowing a partner’s HIV status may be useful with regard to HIV prevention, especially if you as a couple are considering giving up condoms.

We must admit that it is not always easy at the beginning of a relationship to tell the one you love that you are HIV-positive. We have to admit that there are still a lot of people who are prejudiced against those living with HIV. Yet in a couple, the other person has the right to know, regardless of that person’s reaction. Living as a couple is not only based on feeling love. It is also understood that there is a relationship of trust and honesty, especially when it comes to each other’s health. It is this trust that must be called upon when bringing up the question of HIV status.

There are three categories of HIV status among gay couples. The responsibility of safe behaviour is shared by both partners and must always be shared regardless of the HIV status of each. 

THE HIV-NEGATIVE + HIV-NEGATIVE COUPLE

Couples where both partners are HIV negative may want to stop using condoms during sexual relations. This is in fact a possible option. You must know, however, that using a condom protects not only against the risks of infection by HIV but that it also has other advantages such as hygiene and protection against the spread of STIs (STMs). Some individuals may therefore want to continue to use a condom.

You should also know that even among HIV-negative partners, even in a closed couple, you don’t just stop using condoms from one day to the next. In addition to being responsible for ourselves, we are partly responsible for the health of others. How would you feel if you learned that you have brought HIV into your couple and that you have contaminated your partner just because you were afraid to be honest and were afraid of his reaction? And especially him. How will he feel? These questions are tied to our values, to our sense of ethics. You must therefore never believe that you are protected from any contamination just because you are in a relationship as a couple, whether closed or not. The unexpected can always happen.

THE HIV-NEGATIVE + HIV-POSITIVE COUPLE

It is probably within HIV-negative/HIV-positive couples that the issues are more important in terms of HIV transmission. In fact, for these couples, partners must never have sex without condoms. The concept of risk and failure here is paramount. Despite all the love he feels, the HIV-negative partner may live in constant fear of being infected while the HIV-positive partner may live in constant fear of infecting him. For this reason, when partners live as an HIV-negative/HIV-positive couple, they must not hesitate to ask themselves whether they are really at ease when living in such a context. To help overcome this uncomfortable feeling, it is in your every interest to talk with people around you, with your partner, your friends, or any other trusted person who has the necessary resources for listening and responding to this type of questioning.

Partners in an HIV-negative/HIV-positive couple have every right to ask themselves if they can trust condoms 100%. While the condom is a very effective and reliable method for preventing the transmission of HIV and other STIs, some people will prefer to forego anal penetration and certain other practices rather than place their entire focus on the reliability of a condom. There are in fact all kinds of other sex games that represent no risk of infection.

THE HIV-POSITIVE + HIV-POSITIVE COUPLE

We tend to think because both partners are HIV-positive that it isn’t necessary to use a condom. It’s not as simple as that. Both partners in an HIV-positive couple may decide to keep using condoms to protect themselves from other sexually transmitted infections or from opportunistic infections. You also reduce the risk of exposure to different strains of HIV. What is more, if both people take different anti-HIV medications and develop a resistance to these medications, this resistance can be transmitted during unprotected sexual relations. Consequently, future treatment options would then be limited.

We Are a Couple and We No Longer Want to Use Condoms

If you have been in a relationship as a couple for some time, you may want to stop using condoms. This decision must be made by both partners. It is preferable that you talk it over honestly and that you express yourselves freely. You may choose an agreement of sexual exclusivity, honesty, and mutual trust, or you may choose to use condoms if you have an open relationship, as sometimes happens. The next step is to consult a physician and to get tested for STIs and HIV. Remember, before you take an HIV test, you must wait three months from the time you had sex that put you at risk. You must continue to use a condom until you have your negative test results.

For couples who are both HIV-positive, the reality is a little different. If both of you are HIV-positive, you may choose to stop using condoms. It is nevertheless recommended that you discuss it with your physician, and that you continue to have good medical follow-up to protect your health.